A primer on forced eye contact…

Today, after a long conversation with Cam, he and I practiced a new script to help him to feel more comfortable in advocating for himself in an area that causes him actual harm.

EYE CONTACT & MASKING.

EYE CONTACT: The data is solid, y’all. For many autistic individuals, forced eye contact is described as uncomfortable. Even painful.

While eye contact is an important feature of nonverbal, social communication for some people, this generalized expectation is based on our deeply ableist culture. We’ve been conditioned to expect it from everyone, and it is not met fondly when others don’t “comply.”

Then we have something to say about them…

They’re “disrespectful,” or “unprofessional,” or “they’re hiding something.”

Or, maybe we’re #ableist.

Let’s be honest. If you tell Cam to look at you while you’re talking, you did not understand the assignment. He’s going to focus all of his mental energy on looking at you, and despite his own discomfort, he will NOT be focused on what you’re saying and won’t learn anything in that moment.

Because this comes up repeatedly, in many areas and spaces of our lives, I decided it’s time to give Cam the tools needed to intervene in the moment, rather than to expect him to endure the expectation that he mask his discomfort for the comfort of others.

Ahhhh yes. That brings me to MASKING: when we place neuronormative expectations (what we perceive as “normal” and “typically developing” behaviors) as the most superior form, and insist that neurodivergent individuals adapt to those expectations to “fit in with the group.”

NOPE. Not on my watch. We’re launching into our radical self-advocacy era.

And let me tell y’all, we’re just getting started.

Today’s script…

Me: Cam, look at me when I’m talking.

Cam: No, I don’t have to do that. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

And hard as I tried, he kept reverting to “No thank you, it makes me feel uncomfortable.”

NO. He should not have to be polite when he’s protecting himself.

Get ready.

(Picture is of a teenage man-cub, sharing unprompted eye contact with his mama, because he feels safe.)

#adventuresincamelot #autisticpride #selfadvocacy #eyecontact #masking #ableism