Lessons from Glastonbury
Music and art soothe him like few things can.
Lewis Capaldi’s performance at Glastonbury simultaneously broke my heart and healed it in places that I didn’t know needed healing.
Allow me to be clear, Capaldi's recently diagnosed disability taking center stage is not heartbreaking.
Disability is not something to be hidden away from view for your comfort.
My heart broke because I know that the immensely supportive reaction from the crowd is because he is a world renowned artist and millions have had the experience of connecting to his music before they knew that he had Tourette Syndrome.
The same response has not been true for a little boy I know and love who sat by himself in lunch, almost every single day of his entire first year of middle school.
For several years, in addition to being autistic, Cam has struggled with a Transient Tic Disorder that will likely be diagnosed as Tourette Syndrome due to the longevity of its impact.
Y’all… We were never looking to collect another diagnosis, but his beautiful brain does the most extraordinary things when it is happy, feeling creative, inquisitive, etc. It is not a surprise to see how his brain and body can be completely out of his control when he simply doesn’t have the “spoons” to deal with life’s biggest stressors. Sometimes it's a signal for me that he's simply burned out and needs a break from the layers of expectations piled upon him.
Sometimes the tics come from unseen struggles with mental health, social situations, or illness. They manifest in uncontrollable vocal noises, his arms may flail out of control, or sometimes, an uncomfortable and irrepressible urge to twist his neck as far as it will go - over and over and over again. The hardest part, for me, is that he apologizes for his tics every damn time. And when they come, there’s no warning. No simple solution. We simply ride the wave, ensuring him that he is loved beyond measure and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. The hardest part is convincing him of that when there’s a whole world of intolerance surrounding him at school.
Kids can be cruel, and even well-meaning adults can cause harm when they don't see the whole picture.
Seeing Lewis Capaldi’s fans singing not only with him, but for him, as he struggled to do it himself was so damn beautiful. There’s something happening, folks. There’s an awareness growing all around us, and in some spaces it is taking off like a wildfire, but in others it’s like we just keep trying to catch a spark with two sticks, rubbing them together furiously while the storms of judgement, ignorance, exclusion and isolation rain on our best efforts.
When you see something that appears different - acknowledge the difference - but don’t dwell on that, accept it and embrace the whole person. On your own, investigate it and educate yourself. The truth? All of humanity exists among the paradigm of neurodiversity. Neurodivergent individuals aren’t responsible for educating you on the vastness of neurodiversity, but some of us try like hell to get your attention.
Some people who have considered themselves “neurotypical” realize in adulthood that they’ve been masking their neurodivergence their entire lives. The liberation that comes with that?
My God… It was nothing short of glorious for me. Freedom. A sense of such radical acceptance and self-love became possible only when I began to see myself (and my neurodivergence) clearly. And I think I'll always be learning. Everyone deserves to move toward that goal. It’s a process, and a damn difficult one, at that. Consider the pressure that society provides to conform to the “norms” which have been declared by privileged, wealthy, white, straight men. Who declared them the experts? Well, their similar peers, of course. Consider all of this, and then wrap your mind around the possibility that these arbitrary pressures of society are WRONG.
And those pressures? They are the biggest reason that neurodivergent individuals have a much higher rate of suicide - for autistic adults alone, some studies suggest that they are 6x more likely to consider ending their own lives.
Watching the crowd at Glastonbury lift Lewis Capaldi by singing when he struggled to do it himself was exactly the example that I was looking for in providing that same level of radical acceptance for each other. Meeting each one of us where we’re at, and railing against the pressures to mask your true self to comply with the baseless expectations of a few.
Acceptance and Inclusion aren’t niceties or a form of charity. It’s quite literally and figuratively a matter of life and death.
WE have the collective power to help change the way that neurodivergent individuals experience the world.
It's up to every single one of us to figure out how to best do that.
As always, friends. I’m so grateful that your Adventures brought you to ours.
You belong here. ♡
A few resources for your personal learning:
LEWIS CAPALDI CANCELS ALL TOUR DATES TO ‘ADJUST TO IMPACT’ OF TOURETTE SYNDROME
NEURODIVERSITY: SOME BASIC TERMS & DEFINITIONS
STUDY REVEALS HIGH RATE OF POSSIBLE UNDIAGNOSED AUTISM IN PEOPLE WHO DIED BY SUICIDE
